Evolve Café | Aaron Kleinerman answers your questions

I love this practice and I’m truly loving this program, and it just started. The piece about forgiveness and thanking the body is a perfect touch. I’m wondering if the dancing can also evolve into a tantric energy flow or sexual kung fu?

Dancing absolutely is a tantric energy flow, the more that you are giving the permission to your body and having a daily practice of dance, especially for male bodies, is a great way to really allow energy to move through you, without conceptual thought. So the more you give yourself the chance to do that on a daily basis, the dancing and the movement of the body will support a more awakening of your sexual energy. When you bring your sexual energy through the bedroom, you are in this moving dance either with yourself or with another.

In reference to the Integrated Masculine course, that is the more Integrated Masculine, the one who is not just in his mind, the one that is actually dancing and flowing, the one that finds this grace to move in and out of the bedroom into the boardroom. This is the Kung Fu like style where you can feel but also push away the energy that isn’t good for you, that you don’t resonate with. Just like a powerful kung fu artist, you have the capacity to push away, to hold boundaries where you need them, to receive into what he wants and to create the harmony that is in resonance with his body’s temple. Ultimately, anything that you are projecting, blaming or shaming about your partner yourself, until you own that into yourself, until you can embody that dark places that you shame upon, it is only going to hunt you. Dancing with sexual energy has the capacity to clear inside the body temple that in doing that you then step forward in life mastering all the light and the dark, the good and the bad, the kind and the cruel, happening through you.

So, I have used a pillow to scream into and pound, but I’ve never seen it used to hump/fuck like that. What is the purpose of a position like that regarding emotions?

It is beautiful that you are using the pillow to scream or to pound into, that’s an amazing practice, I still do this to this day, when anger arises in the body or things come up to let the energy of the body move. The humping/fucking the pillow is because a lot of our stored energy exist in our base. So at our lower chakras there is a lot of stagnant energy so as you take the pillow on the bed and you are actually humping it and fucking it you are letting some of that stored stagnant energy that’s at the hips start express itself. When two people come together in the bedroom, there is a lot of anger coming out through a hard, aggressive pumping style motion and it is nothing wrong with that but to have a place where you don’t need to pump yourself to ejaculation then you can begin to exercise your capacity to move that anger on your own so by the time you come into love making the way in which you are moving and flowing with your hips is less of a “I just wanna fuck you till I come” and more “Ah, I can find grace in my hips” because a lot of the anger that we have due to being unable to express our sexual energy as a child, young adult, is now having a chance to express itself in a healthy way. So it might feel strange, it may feel awkward, that is good. When you are doing something on your own and you notice that it feels strange or awkward, that is a part of your rewiring happening in your body and the more you can lean into those kind of awkward or maybe very strange sensations, like humping a pillow, and thoughts appear like “oh my god, what if mom and dad would saw me right now”, let them go. The more you give yourself the permission to be a little bit awkward, to be a little bit strange, to go into those uncomfortable places, then all of that stored stagnant energy that’s at your lower chakra, is going to start to release itself in the body. And for many of us, because this energy has been stored for so long, is literally holding as this nod, a nod of energy that is seeking to recalibrate itself, to express itself, which is a reason why we have this jumping reaction when someone triggers us, when something pushes our buttons, when someone upsets us in one way.

The way you alleviate that reactive part of you is moving your emotional body when you are on your own and emotional body especially emotions that are more connected to your sexual energy, this is your power, your life force, and is the place where freedom can actually begin to vibrate through all of your being so if it feels strange go into it more, trust and move, let sounds come out. Sounding, breathing and movement are the three gateways that are going to create more freedom inside your body.

How can I practice sexuality if I’m single?

In my perspective this is one of the best ways to practice sexuality. We are a sacred sexual being that is connected to all of existence. The only reason why we are all here, we are having this conversation, listening to each other is because sexual energy is what created life. So when you can harness that sexual energy in your own body temple, in your own being, then it is what is going to support you to be a better lover when you are with another. How do you practice that? You can take any body butter, put some on your body and start giving a loving soothing touch to my body, this is how I do it. And I am doing it without trying to achieve something, to get something out of it, no need to associate sexuality with orgasm, with this finality of the act. Start creating a relationship with your body, offer some love to the body temple by touching it softly, gently, maybe firmly, and begin to feel how your body becomes aroused. Look with curiosity, enjoyment and learning to discover how you can create a place to feel safe and sexual and vibrant and alive and dirty and wild and everything in between. When you learn how to do that for yourself you are actually learning how to do that so much better for the others.

What personal practice do you recommend for pre-mature ejaculation control?

Premature ejaculation is a very misunderstood concept. Most men think that they are too sensitive and by being too sensitive that’s why they prematurely ejaculate. It is actually the exact opposite. A man who is so desensitised, so disconnected from his feeling body, when he goes inside the yoni starts to feel more. Then, his body is overwhelmed with feelings, a place which can be very uncomfortable for the one disconnected from his feeling body so he may need to end it soon so ejaculation happens quite quickly. He may make some sounds and then end the experience to go back to not feeling.

So, the way that you practice being able to have greater semen retention and controlling your ejaculation is actually getting more and more in touch with your emotional body. The more you get more in touch with your emotional body then you are increasing the capacity to feel more so that when sexual energy is circulating in your body you then have the capacity to move it through your penis into all the areas of your whole body. So that is the way you begin to practice ejaculation control, you take yourself to a place of feeling more and more stimulation and then you go down and then you raise again and go back down. You go in high picks with stimulation and then down where you can absorb and integrate it and then up again and then down into the valley. The more you are training your body to do that on your own, then when you are into love making, you can know, recognise the overstimulating sensations and you can slow down the love making and then come back down. And then start to rise up again. So here are two components: One is to be able to have sexual arousal on your own and you can practise your own picks and valleys. And two, you are beginning to move your emotional body more so your body is aware of how to move emotional energy. And is not only breathing, sounding and moving during your sexual sneeze but also at various times throughout your day dancing, expressing anger, being sad, being happy. Happiness and sadness are one. When you are attached to happiness you are afraid of sadness so let the emotional body actually be the gateway into your more capacity of your orgasmic energy to circulate through your whole being.

As a man, how can I connect sex, love and emotions? Mostly, if I’m attracted to a woman physically I’m not able to open emotionally or for a relationship.

How can I connect sex, love and emotions? They are not disconnected. The very fact that you think they are disconnected, is the issue in itself. So physical attraction is one aspect of attraction. When the emotional body becomes present, then that deepens in the attraction. For a man’s heart to open his sexuality has to be present. So for most men, there is longing inside their heart to open but they go towards sexual experience because they know through sexuality their hearts start to open. For women it is exactly the opposite. Their heart has to open first before their sexuality opens. Most men go straight to the women’s yoni because they think her body is wired exactly the same as their body but we are the exact opposite. So if you are attracted physically to a woman, it is beautiful to express that attraction but then allow that attraction to unmask the deeper vulnerabilities inside and be willing to bring forth those vulnerabilities inside that relationship not so much to loose the polarity because a man who goes so much into his emotional body is just a weeping mess and that is not sexy at all. You want to be connected to your emotional body as a man but you want to hold the masculine pole if you are in a hetero sexual relationship. And that relationship, when the woman feels your power presence and certainty, that is going to support her to melt more and as she melts more, her sexuality will open more because her heart is being met. When her heart is being met, her sexuality is opened. When your sexuality opens, your heart starts to open and then the deeper essence of the emotions inside can be revealed. This is really the dance that happens between sex, love and emotions.

My partner is not interested in sex and I’m married what can I do to make her interested in sex?

One of the reasons why women are not interested in sex is beacuse they have never actually been touched. Most of the sexual education for men has come from porn; men touch a woman’s body believing that if they touch her all of the sudden she is going to be wet and horny as he saw when he was 16 in a porn for the first time. That is not the truth. There is no woman’s body that is going to open in 1 minute after touching her. So most women just get so disillusioned with sex that they refuse the experience, they get very unintersted. Because a man has never actually offered her the time, the effort and the willingness to allow her body to open. One of the best things you can do is: take away your agenda of sex and begin to offer soothing, loving touch for her, but don’t do that to try to get her wet in the bedroom. You have to start to rewire her association with sex. As you rewire her associations with sex, then a greater sphere of opening that expands into the dynamic that you have together and as you open that sphere of expansion, than in that there is going to be more space for love making to be present. But you have to let her body open up for at least 20 to 30 minutes and then just tease her until she doesn’t want anything more than to be penetrated by love. Unless her yoni is pulsating, vibrating and oozing with liquid then she is not ready to be entered.

How can one balance the chakras? Is it different for men and women?

Chakra balancing comes in many different forms. It is tough to answer that in an easy simple question, but the basic framework is that every chakra has a certain set of values if you will that support that chakra to be more balanced and integrated in the whole body sphere. From the base is more connecting to your capacity to choos and to live freely and to be connected to the sexual body and every single chakra is going to have its own unique essence and vibration that it requires. It is different for men and women because the men’s sexual body is different as a woman’s sexual body is different than a man’s one. The best way to understand how to balance the chakras is to have a meditation on each one so that you can start to attune and align your whole body to clear itself so that your energy can move and flow itself through.

If you can speak a bit about asking in a patriarchal society.

Men don’t really know how to express their needs and this is the largest issue I see for most male videos. One of the things I’ve learned quite strongly as a child is that most men have a tender feminine side hidden under this strong masculine facade that asks for love, and has needs, and requires a lot of care. This feminine side in each one of us gets pushed down, and suppressed till the point in which men don’t even consider that they can have needs. Because so much of his energy has been around supporting, and offering and adoring someone from the exterior they tend to overview the goddess inside them and eventually this can only build resentment for not loving and adoring the woman inside them. It is healthy for men to have requests, it is not a bad thing for a man to have needs. And in a patriarchal society there is this place where men are not supposed to have needs, they are just supposed to be the provider but all that builds a place of continual frustration inside this men’s body so in order to alleviate that a man has to start to get in touch more and more with that softer feminine side inside of him so that both sides can actually come into deeper union together. This work is a constant rewiring, reframing to actually acknowledge that this actual part inside of us has needs and is ok to express those needs.

All of this work is work on progress and all I can say to each one of you going through this program is that you may need to go through it one time, twice, three times because each time is like a layer of an onion and you unravel layer after layer until you are falling more and more in love with this body temple. This inner union, this Shiva, this Shakti, dancing in union together and the more this union is actually celebrating life together alone as you are, then when you feel whole inside you can give much more to the outside.