What a utopian ideal to live in a world where we can own our orgasms, pleasure and eros. We can live in harmony with our authentic selves do away with the cloud of stigma, misinformation and oppression which most of the modern world is experiencing. Imagine a world where both men and women can freely express their desires, while also respecting the boundaries of others.
While there are individuals on this path, they are still navigating uncharted waters and there is much work to be done. While the way is being paved for the collective to follow, it’s up to those who have been called onto the Tantric path to create their own circle of light and lead by example.
For the opening session of Evolve Beings Global Sex Education Summit 2020, we were blessed to have master Tantra teachers Ma Ananda Sarita and Suta Guy Rawson talked about the things parents can do to guide their children around the topics of sex education.
Suta had this to say about what kind of sex education is needed around the topics of orgasm, pleasure and eros on the individual through a tantric lens:
– The state we enter through Orgasm is a very different state than what we experience as ‘ordinary life’.
– Ultimately, the main job of parents is to allow the spontaneity, trust, aliveness, life force of the child and to affirm its essential goodness.
- Impulses are good.
- Desires are good.
- The things you are interested in – are all good
- A parent must do anything to minimize anything that creates fear, guilt or shame in the child
- This way the child has a real opportunity to flower!
One thing we can’t afford to forget is that our bodies are essentially erotic from birth to death. This human organism is hardwired to bliss. If we cannot find it within, we search for it outside. This is why when we introduce conscious touch at a very young age as well as apply tantric based education, a better prepared and healthy individual has a chance to thrive.
According to Sarita, in countries where there is no sex education, there are high cases of accidental teen pregnancies, as opposed to countries where the government takes an active investment in educating youth.
In order to be wholly integrative, a parent can apply the tantric practices of meditativeness and lovingness. This is especially potent if we want to accelerate learning in our children. One way is to include all 5 senses while in the learning process. Usually learning takes 7 repetitions before it integrates whereas with Tantric education, any teachings become directly integrated.
If you teach meditation to children from a young age, it will automatically open the central channel between the sex centre and the spiritual centre. When those hormones start pumping around puberty, they are looking to find the greatest high their hormonal capacity can take you through. If that channel is open then when that energy starts flowing it will be able to move up into fully orgasmic states. If not it goes down and out and into any vicarious modes of reaching ecstasy.
In our present circumstances, the impact porn has had is reaching kids who are younger and younger. This phenomenon is starting to reveal trauma in young adults who have had exposure to it from a super early age. In fact, early exposure to porn has shown a traumatic effect on a developing brain.
Parents need to let go of their prudishness around sex. In fact, it is rather shocking that violence or anger being expressed is considered acceptable in a household, whereas sounds of pleasure, affection between parents and healthy sexuality are not.
There are different kinds of sex education, depending on what your child is ready for. Listen to what your children are asking and give them what they are asking for. Sometimes while a child is asking a question, they might be revealing that they know more than they should for their age and this might indicate sexual abuse.
Quick tips for parents as they embark on the journey of sex education :
- diagrams of sexual anatomy (8-9 years and above)
- knowing the difference between male and female body parts
- acknowledging and appreciating that the body can give oneself pleasure (in private)
- affirm the amazingness of masturbation in private
- emphasize how sex and love are interconnected and that sex isn’t just a commodity to perform or consume
the power of lovingness through sex
- nature is the living expression of eros and is in a constant state of lovemaking and ecstasy. Children can very naturally see that and can understand that humans are also similar to the plant and animal kingdom.
- nature is the ultimate teacher
For women to understand about their sexuality and orgasms, we need to first clear up some misconceptions
- According to Sigmund Freud, ’If a woman is infertile then she needs to have her clitoris touched during sexual intercourse. If she is a real woman she will orgasm from penetration alone.’
- This statement has done huge harm to understanding a woman’s sexuality and a man’s role in it.
- There are three elements that will always be played out and are involved in a woman’s orgasm:
- The clitoris and the clitorial network comes into full arousal
- A nerve in the sacrum will be the trigger for the orgasm to happen
- Contractions in the vagina
Misconceptions around the clitoris:
- What we see is just the tip of the clitorial network
- It’s the same size of erectile tissue as the male lingam
- In order for the woman to be ready for penetration, the whole network needs to be aroused
- Penetration is possible, but it will not be pleasurable
- Full body attention works very well to bring the woman into the state of greater arousal
- For the woman, sexuality and the heart need to be included
However, men work in the opposite way. In order for a woman to know her orgasmic potential, she needs to explore self-pleasure. Once she knows she can communicate that to her partner before intercourse.
Male sexuality does have a tendency to be a bit more straightforward and simple:
- There is a focus in the male psyche on the genitals called a ‘positive pole’ for the male energy
- This is the place where energy gets ignited
- Men also have tremendous capacity of pleasure but we are only tapping into a small possibility of that
- A full embodiment can happen when a man can reach his orgasmic potential by being present in his consciousness
- Let us include all the different energy centers in the body to reach that full sense of pleasure and oneness
- Learn that we don’t have to disperse our sexual energy, down and out in one explosive ejaculation.
- We can learn how to contain and transmute this energy, so we can maintain it and bring it up and through our consciousness
- Sex can be sacred and it is an expression of the erotic which is the intrinsic part of God and Life Force at play.
- Women are the compliments, partners and co-creators of this dance and not just to create potential babies, but the creators of infinite possibilities
- This can help us create heaven on earth