We all want to feel free – but what does that really mean in a relationship? To some it might mean the space to explore sex and intimacy with other people. To others, it might mean the space to travel alone, or to spend time on a creative pursuit without being criticized for temporarily ignoring the relationship bond.
And everybody’s different. Some people need a sense of belonging, and are happy to bend a bit to keep this in place. Others long to merge with the beloved completely – that thing called a “soul-mate”; still, others just want a “friend with benefits” – an occasional sexual partner to whom he is not accountable regarding other aspects of his life. And some just want a friend, period – no sex, no mess, just a confidante. Some, though, need a constant game, with seductions and little power plays, in a mood of sparkling mischievousness.
Freedom really means the space to be yourself. You have a unique set of characteristics, energies, moods, tendencies; and a unique spiritual core and spiritual quest. Your relationship should not interfere with this.
So freedom really means two things: the absolute right to be yourself and know yourself; and the absolute prohibition on interfering with anyone else’s life. In other words, in a sexually intimate relationship, even if there is an agreement to have an “open marriage”, it is karmically not allowed to expose your partner to a sexually – transmitted disease. This simple and inconvenient fact must then lead to far more honesty and sharing than either of you might be comfortable with!
For freedom – as Osho told us again and again – requires responsibility. And yet – for matters that don’t affect the other in any material way, you are not required to share every little thing, even if the other is pressuring you to do so.
This is all a tremendous journey of discovery: Who am I, and who is the other? How do I
find my boundaries and my wings, and honour my ongoing search? On this journey there is much un-learning to be done – of what our parents and the society have taught us. This will require tremendous courage and awareness.
Freedom means: The freedom to come home to ourselves, somehow – struggling, blundering, flying, meditating, exploring. Resting inside. Nobody can really take this inner rest away from us; it just isn’t possible – for the centre is by its very nature inviolate.
Human Design helps us come home in a way that is also respectful to the other. And if you have some idea who that other actually is – if you have understood a little of their Design – it is much easier to let them be. I have heard Osho say “Freedom makes even romantic love beautiful”. I have heard Ra Uhuru say, “When I can be myself and you can be yourself, that is love. Everything else is some kind of torture”.
Love comes out of freedom. This is one of the basic laws of life. We cannot love when we feel trapped or controlled. When we are trapping or controlling somebody, we are not loving them.
Love is by its very nature unbounded. And both freedom and love are found in our own empty centre.
Go there first, last, and during. Go there side by side! Meditate together – to find the uniqueness of you, and yet the vastness of that which is bigger, and more luminous, than what you normally know. Then it is easier to give freedom, and to take your own – in love for yourself; which then spills over onto the other.
Human Design is an awareness tool. It provides a personalized map for how to find your own intrinsic freedom, and suggests keys for how to give freedom to the other… the freedom to be what each of you really is.