Unlike regular sex that lasts on average for several minutes and has a clear end goal of reaching an orgasm, tantric sex is a spiritual practice of slow intercourse that focuses on enjoying the journey, rather than reaching an end destination. Tantra does not condemn sex but teaches that with awareness and love, sex is sacred, and liberation can be attained through conscious love making and stimulation of all senses. Tantra works in opening all the energy centres known as chakras and remaining at the peak of pleasure without climaxing.
Tantric sex is a sacred ancient Hindu practice, where two people weave together in their physical and spiritual beings and energy, to feel a sense of oneness and unity. Tantra is primarily about connection whether is with yourself or between you and your partner. If you are searching for ways to cultivate more love, create more intimacy, or feel a deeper meaningful connection with your partner, carry on reading to learn about the practice of tantric sex and discover how it will liberate you to empower your sex life and improve communication with your partner.
For beginners exploring this whole new world, “Yab Yum” is a classic tantric sex position where a woman sits on a man’s lap, facing him and wrapping her legs around his waist. Wrapping your arms around your partner and pressing your bodies against each other allows your root chakras to connect, promoting a higher level of intimacy and connection. When the root sex chakra, our first energy centre, is touched with love, there are hidden layers of conditioning that get triggered and can heal or release, including sexual shame, guilt, and trauma.
Especially in the Western society, people are so wrapped up in what others think of them that desires sometimes become suppressed. There is also pressure felt to perform fantasies that are believed to be culturally or socially acceptable. This can lead to lack of authenticity and sex becoming a mere physical and functional act, and in long-term relationships may even result in boredom and a feeling of mundanity. Tantric sex solves this issue by removing the performance element out of sex and enhancing conscious awareness and emotional intimacy beyond the physical act of sex. It encourages both partners to be more present and engaged in the erotic experience, which in turn enhances the energetic connection.
Dr. Cheryl Fraser, a Buddhist Psychologist and Sex Therapist, says to think about a normal orgasm as a firecracker that lights and goes off, whereas a tantric orgasm is like a whole evening of fireworks display. Sounds like a dream too good to be true?
Here are 3 practices you can engage in with your partner today to enhance the bond and closeness between you:
1. Synchronized breathing. Coordinate your breathing by inhaling and exhaling together. Or exchange breathing by inhaling as your partner exhales and vice versa. Breathwork is a central component to tantric sex. Through the breath, you have the power to awaken and move sexual energy from your genitals to the rest of your body and experience full body pleasure, longer lasting and more powerful orgasms. Focusing on your breath enables you to increase awareness, be more mindful, and immerse yourself in the experience rather than become distracted by thoughts.
2. Slow caressing, touching and kissing. Tantra research refers to kissing as oral lovemaking. This physical closeness causes a chemical reaction in the brain that releases the oxytocin hormone and leads to feelings of affection, trust, and sexual arousal. Oxytocin is the bonding chemical, produced in the hypothalamus and released by the pituitary gland, also known as the “love hormone”.
3. Eye contact. Gaze into the eyes of your partner during sexual intercourse and maintain eye contact for a deeper intimate connection. When you gaze into your partner’s eyes you are looking into their soul and at first it may feel intense. There is nowhere to hide, and you fully reveal yourself. Brene Brown, a leading researcher on courage and vulnerability, describes vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and exposure”. It is only from this place of leaving our comfort zone that it is possible to grow and let go. To sum it all up, once you have synchronized your breathing and moved to kissing and caressing with your partner in the Yab Yum position, you can move into slow intercourse, all whilst maintaining eye contact. Imagine feeling excited and relaxed at the same time. Building arousal with your partner and truly worshipping each other. Sounds awesome, right?!
It is important to note that tantric sex can also be practiced individually and it is even recommended to start that way to connect to yourself, learn what you like, and make it easier to guide your partner later. Whether you are practicing tantric sex solo or with your partner, it is important to create a sacred space to feel comfortable and get in the mood with music or scents that make you feel good. To reach a state of relaxation before you begin, try engaging in deep abdominal breathing or meditation, to connect with your breath, body, and higher self. Meditation also stabilizes thought, leads to conscious giving, and prevents involuntary ejaculation. With self-practice, pay attention to your sensations and explore your whole body through self-massage and touch. Slowly start to masturbate and before you reach orgasm, stop, breathe, and only after 3 times allow yourself to reach a full body orgasm.
If you are still not convinced, maybe these 2 fun facts about tantric sex will make you intrigued to start practicing!
1) Did you know that both men and women can learn to experience multiple orgasms with tantric sex? Tantric massages are a key component to reaching this. One partner gets the chance to receive and tune into their erotic energy while the other partner pleasures them.
2) Did you know that men can orgasm without ejaculating? With regular sex, the game is over when orgasm is reached. Tantric sex allows for delayed and intensified orgasm without ejaculation by building up the erotic energy, withholding, and building it up again. Consciously controlling breathing, thinking, and ejaculation during sexual union may seem challenging and require a high level of willpower but like everything new, you have so much to gain and practice makes perfect.
Tantric sex is all about exploration and empowerment beyond the physical realm, so if you are looking to enhance your partnership through honest and open communication, get your excitement cap on and start exploring!